September 15, 2012

• Words rightly spoken

  One of the most common statements I hear from people when weare speaking of funerals and visitations for someone who has died is, “I rarelygo because I never know what to say?”  Iusually respond by asking if they have ever been at a visitation or funeral forsomeone close to you.  The commonresponse is, “Yes, but that doesn’t help because I can’t remember what thepeople said to me.”  And that is thepoint exactly.  The rightness has muchless to do with what we say and is much more about the intentions of our heartand soul.  Two people can say the samewords to me but the impact will vary greatly depending on my experience withthe person and the emotion that comes through with the words.  The greatest drawback to our texting,tweeting, instant messaging, and e-mailing culture is the loss of emotionalconnection to the words sent.  I don’tcare how many emoticons or capital letters you use, the emotion behind thewords is just lost.  My use of humor andsarcasm in instant messages and e-mails (I don’t text or tweet) has gotten meinto more trouble than I would have ever imagined.  The intention of our words is more important thanthe words themselves.  I cannot controlthe impact of my words but I am responsible to work hard to convey myintentions in what I say and do. Communication is never easy, not even face to face and this makes it sovery important that we work at communicating well.

   

  Part of what we have been challenged to do during thisinterim time between settled pastors is to deal with our past.  We are preparing to celebrate 40 years ofministry in the Louisville area. Traditionally use anniversaries to celebrate the good that has happenedand the joys that have been experienced and that is as it should be.  Privately, we should also examine thechallenges and the disappointments that have occurred in those fortyyears.  How often have we experiencedpain, how many people have left this congregation due to words spoken in haste,actions taken without thought, and the failure on both sides to talk through whathappened, what was intended and what was experienced?  I am drawn to the story of Peter and Jesusand their conversation on the road around Caesarea Philippi.  Jesus outlines the plan God has for Jesus andPeter responds that it will not happen without a fight.  I wonder how that might play out in a faithcommunity today.  The pastor outlines aplan for ministry that he or she believes is God ordained.  A leader of the community disagrees that thisis a good plan and expresses disagreement. The leader may choose to avoid direct confrontation and decide to justease this leader out of leadership.  Theleader sensing a change in relationship may choose not to speak directly to thepastor, instead choosing to speak with some other influential members of thecongregation to gain their support in opposing the ministry.  The pastor then decides to attack thedisloyalty of the leader and those who agree with him or her.  The faction may then become incensed andchoose to leave the church.  Or, it couldplay out more like the way Jesus and Peter managed the situation.  The pastor could lay out a ministry plan; theopponent could express concerns and an alternative plan.  The pastor could then respond directly as towhy the plan proposed is superior and the opponent accept the leadership of thepastor and move on together.  It is alsopossible the disagreement could work its way out the way it did in last week’sstory of Jesus and the Syro-Phoenician woman. The pastor could oppose a ministry and a person point out how theministry absolutely fits the mission of the church and the pastor accepts thereasoning and they go forward together in ministry.  The critical point for us to recognize in theway Jesus handled disagreement was in direct discussion and then moving forwardtogether.

   

  We will not always be right in our words, we will not alwaysact in God honoring ways and we must be willing to accept our errors,acknowledge when our words or actions have been hurtful, and ask forforgiveness, even when we never intended hurt. Too often, when there is a conflict, we spend way too much energy tryingto prove that something didn’t happen or that it wasn’t our fault, or theexperience of the other wasn’t our intention. When we do this, any words of reconciliation are unlikely to be receivedas sincere.  Finding the words ofreconciliation rightly spoken requires each of us to seek to hear the other,accept his or her emotions, and then express sincere regret for the pain he orshe felt as a result of our encounter. Speaking words rightly spoken is foundationally about having the wisdomto speak from our soul, from that part of us connected to God and to the restof creation.  Words spoken from our ego,our need to be right, our need to have our own way, and our need to dominateanother can do tremendous damage to the other and to us.  Words spoken from the soul, God inspiredwords, words seeking shared understanding, words of mutuality, and words thatlift others up will do much to heal the world and ourselves.  Amen.

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